Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Meatballs

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Life happens pretty quick. Mostly because life happens in a moment. It is the moment. It doesn't really include the past, because those are just memories, and memories are gone; life spent. And it's not the future, because, well, that's never certain and isn't here yet. I do believe, however, that the past counts, how could it not? It molds us into the people that we are in life, in that moment; it doesn't dictate us though, we always have the power to change and to choose and to think freely. And the future counts too, because without it we wouldn't ever have the now, but it isn't something which should be expected.

As humans, we are merely moving breathing matter made of meat and bones who roam around a large rock playing house and making up guidelines and restrictions for ourselves. We allow fear to govern our thoughts which dictate our actions; fear of the unknown, fear of something that doesn't stay the course, fear of change, fear of freedom, and fear of insecurity. We pretend that life can only be lived in a particular order and that this order cannot be tampered with. We allow some other moving breathing balls of meat to make our decisions for us because we believe it's for the best, and we think it's for the best because some other older meatball said so, but for the best of what? We are superior beings in that we hold the power that will most probably eventually destroy all the other balls of meat out there (I'm talking about every other living thing on this planet). It's hard though, because there are a lot of meatballs out there who already know all of this, but those meatballs are called crazies and shunned away. It's hard for any course to change when it depends on so many meatballs.(I really like calling people meatballs.) Especially when there's the pressure of money. Money and pride.

But, it's all in our minds. We have just convinced ourselves of this "reality." But, nothing has to be how it is, not that it's all bad, because it's not. But no one and no thing is stuck. Nothing in life is permanent really. We just have to take ourselves out of that row of dominoes. We just have to think less about ourselves sometimes and more about that big rock that supports us, because it's that big rock that allows us to live each moment, it allows us the life we live.

                         Rock. a really awesome rock full of tiny meatballs.
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Sunday, September 11, 2011

Faaaarance.

France confirmed what Wyoming taught me. The trees, the dirt, the sky, the bugs, the rivers, and most of all the mountains make up the environment that will make me most happy in life. There, I am always in awe, always discovering, and always thankful.

This was my France. (minus the spiders, vegetables/cheese/wine/baggettes, and great great people, oh and three donkeys.)

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Monday, August 29, 2011

Redemption

I'm sitting at small table who's dressed with dirty white table cloth. We all had a pasta and pesto, fresh tomatoe salad, fresh bread, goat cheese and red wine lunch here a few hours ago. The table and I are alone now, we're both shaded by a nice medium sized walnut tree who's bark is covered in pale fleshy cracks that look like streatch marks. Flies are singing all around me. I've become almost immune to their annoying capabilities. It's hot, but the wind is cool. My nails are dirty and I've been swimming in natural pools and streams almost everyday since I've been in France. It's a beautiful life.

So much so that while picking potatos today I ran into what must have been the wolf spider maternity ward. They weren't very large for wolf spiders, just about quarter size. When we first got here we discovered that our cabin was full of various spiders. Ofcourse, I grabbed the broom and sent them all to arachnid heaven so that I could sleep and dream peacefully. So, to make up for my selfish acts of murder I helped out these despirate mother wolf spiders. I had disturbed their habitat and separated them from their egg sacs by accident. I saw one frantically looking around, trying to dig into the soil with no luck. I started to dig around and vuah-la (I should know how to spell that because I'm in France, but I don't) I found her white puffy eggsack and scooted it next to her. She seemed immensely pleased, crawled on top of it, grabbed it somehow and ran off. I was twice successful finding the mothers their babies. It felt really good.

Life

Sunday, August 14, 2011

"what shall I learn of beans or beans of me?" Thoreau

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Solidarity is real interesting. I've been spending time with only myself for the past three days straight. I guess most of my time here has been spent that way. Me and I have a great time, it's been interestante. But I have definitely had a nice share of great great company over these last five weeks. I've met people I'll never forget and have had some wonderful times.

But in these last three days I have been rather immobile as well. It's really interesting how un-tired of drawing I am and how extremely over the consumption of ham sandwiches I am. SO TIRED OF HAM SANDWICHES.

With my alone time, I've decided to put my thoughts towards something productive. I've been thinking a lot about the future. Not that this is anything new to me, but really, I've been really contemplating it specifically. You know, that question that you get asked over a million.5 times in your life, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" The time has come, sort of.

Alive. Is my answer...a little obvious.

But, to be that I have to make some sort of income, income that makes me happy. Happy is the key word here. I've realized that even with all this pressure (that I so badly want to rebel against) to get a "career" started immediately after graduating, I've realized that I actually want to get a job… Not because that's what everyone is "suppose" to do, or even because I'm going to be in mega debt, but because it really is what I want to do. I want make art, I want to contribute to that world and luckily, it's something I can get paid for. Of course I want to travel and walk all over this planet, and I will, but all these things can be woven together. There's no need to "get the travel bug out of the way." That guy is stuck on me and permanent.

So that's how far I've gotten. I haven't actually come up with any decision. I'll just maybe start there when I get there and see where that takes me, wherever there may be. I'm guessing it'll be somewhere.

I went to the Land of Wonder on Monday. The British Museum I mean. If the V&A and the Natural History Museum had a baby it would be named The British Museum. It was completely LOVELY. Especially the Enlightenment room. What a great collection of STUFF. Such nice bowls, bits of tree, small carved t h i n g s, garments, trinkets, statues, animal pieces, chunks of building (which is almost quite sad to see), jewelry, art, religious paraphernalia, and dead bodies. What a day.

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bits of tree. I want a case like this.
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I love this image. I'm not sure why, but it makes me really happy inside.
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I REALLY like this guy ALOT.
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Then Tuesday I went to Oxford. That was a beautiful day of blue skies, scholarly buildings, and good company. The Natural History Museum in Oxford and Pitts River Museum are basically a mini version of the British Museum on crack. Outside were HUGE chunks of TREES from Africa. BEAUTIFUL TREES. Of which had all fallen down from natural causes. There was an AMAZING collection of insects, seedpods, textiles, and dinosaur stamps. The Pitts River Museum is basically a large room PACKED with glass cases and drawers of things from everywhere.

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Those are great bricks. All day I walked around in this complementary city. BLUE skies and orange architecture.
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yumyumyumyumYUMYUMYUMMMM
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If I were a grasshopper, I'd want to be this.
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I think this tree and I are related.
I walked through Regents Park one afternoon after it had rained. Everything was sopping and beautiful. I watched a confused swan and clever ducks for about 20 minutes and got lost.
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And then I saw her.
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Oh Happy Days.